Saturday, September 11, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Visit to the Diary - Part 5
"Tues. Jan. 14, 2003
Ok, I've really decided to go for the religious discharge from the Army. I just pray it would follow through.
I don't want to be a good enough Christian. I like that. It means I don't want to say, "Ok, I'm here, I'll make it to heaven now." and live my life. I want to constantly seek God's will and call for me. Things are happening at an amazing speed. I am getting that fire God wants me to have. Sorry this is short, but I feel I should read my bible now and pray.
-signing off-"
This might seem like a small insignificant post, but it really wasn't for me. First, I was determined that I should be in missions AT THAT VERY MOMENT, and that getting in at any later date would be a lack of faith. I researched military discharges and found one, basically for pacifists who say they disagree with all things the military stands for. To do it, I had to fill out a long application and write an essay on why my religion barred me from any form of war-type activity or institution. It was a bit of work, but I was determined. After I got it all written and edited, I put it in the envelope and sealed it up. Throughout the process, there was a guy at the base named Patrick who had been sort of coaching me through the whole discharge process. The day I sent the letter out in the mail to my commanding officer, we prayed over the envelope that God's will would be done and that it would reach its destination. I waited for a reply... and waited.
It never came. I wondered why, but I was too afraid to call the home office and ask about it. The guys there weren't exactly friendly, and (being the new 'pacifist' that I was) I didn't really want to be ridiculed or have any sort of conflict with them verbally. I prayed about the decision to call it quits on the Army quite a bit. After a while, I decided that I had made a mistake- I found a way to stay in the military and still be in full time missions with YWAM. This, by they way, was not God's will for me- more details in a later entry.
When my DTS ended, I went home and checked in with my National Guard Armory. I was expecting a change in their attitude toward me. I figured they must have gotten the letter and just ignored it. Either way, they never mentioned the discharge attempt, and never treated me worse for it. I know what happened though- when I prayed over that letter with Patrick for God's will to be done, it was. I know that God caused that envelope to not reach its destination. He had other plans for me. More later.
Ok, I've really decided to go for the religious discharge from the Army. I just pray it would follow through.
I don't want to be a good enough Christian. I like that. It means I don't want to say, "Ok, I'm here, I'll make it to heaven now." and live my life. I want to constantly seek God's will and call for me. Things are happening at an amazing speed. I am getting that fire God wants me to have. Sorry this is short, but I feel I should read my bible now and pray.
-signing off-"
This might seem like a small insignificant post, but it really wasn't for me. First, I was determined that I should be in missions AT THAT VERY MOMENT, and that getting in at any later date would be a lack of faith. I researched military discharges and found one, basically for pacifists who say they disagree with all things the military stands for. To do it, I had to fill out a long application and write an essay on why my religion barred me from any form of war-type activity or institution. It was a bit of work, but I was determined. After I got it all written and edited, I put it in the envelope and sealed it up. Throughout the process, there was a guy at the base named Patrick who had been sort of coaching me through the whole discharge process. The day I sent the letter out in the mail to my commanding officer, we prayed over the envelope that God's will would be done and that it would reach its destination. I waited for a reply... and waited.
It never came. I wondered why, but I was too afraid to call the home office and ask about it. The guys there weren't exactly friendly, and (being the new 'pacifist' that I was) I didn't really want to be ridiculed or have any sort of conflict with them verbally. I prayed about the decision to call it quits on the Army quite a bit. After a while, I decided that I had made a mistake- I found a way to stay in the military and still be in full time missions with YWAM. This, by they way, was not God's will for me- more details in a later entry.
When my DTS ended, I went home and checked in with my National Guard Armory. I was expecting a change in their attitude toward me. I figured they must have gotten the letter and just ignored it. Either way, they never mentioned the discharge attempt, and never treated me worse for it. I know what happened though- when I prayed over that letter with Patrick for God's will to be done, it was. I know that God caused that envelope to not reach its destination. He had other plans for me. More later.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Visit to the Diary - Part 4
Just a little about this entry first. In 2003 when I was in DTS, I was also in the Army National Guard. Having made a 6 year commitment, there was virtually no way of getting out. To me at the time, this was a huge obstacle to what God had put on my heart...
"Jan. 13, 2003
Steve Sizemore spoke in class today. I think he is here for the week. It's amazing how just when you think you've learned something about everything, a speaker talks about a totally new concept, or really puts things into perspective. I love it here. I am asking God to really put a fire in me and He is! I'm getting more and more into prayer, worship, intercession, etc. I've decided to give it all to God and seek His will. I feel He is calling me to full-time missions (I'm thinking overseas). I have a problem though. I will give up school, I will give up home and friends there, but the Army- I don't know if they will give me up. But God said to go into all the world and speak the good news, and so I feel called to do that. I'm going to research religious discharges from the Army. I'm still confused though, as to God's clear will for me.
Ok, new subject. God is really working in me. I find myself judging people less and less, and I am really working on my humility. I want to achieve pridelessness. I am finding things in me I never thought I could have. It's wonderful. Today has been good. Thank you, Father. Good night.
Me before : / Me now :) [those were smiley faces I drew]
p.s. I'm finding myself being transformed. It's so much easier to be nice now."
Even then, I felt God pulling me toward the path I would eventually take, even if it didn't pan out like I thought it would. I remember feeling so energized by the whole experience, that I thought I needed to give up everything right then and there and go full out for God. He knew though, that if I did it then, I would have burnt out. I wasn't ready. More about my thoughts on the Army next time...
"Jan. 13, 2003
Steve Sizemore spoke in class today. I think he is here for the week. It's amazing how just when you think you've learned something about everything, a speaker talks about a totally new concept, or really puts things into perspective. I love it here. I am asking God to really put a fire in me and He is! I'm getting more and more into prayer, worship, intercession, etc. I've decided to give it all to God and seek His will. I feel He is calling me to full-time missions (I'm thinking overseas). I have a problem though. I will give up school, I will give up home and friends there, but the Army- I don't know if they will give me up. But God said to go into all the world and speak the good news, and so I feel called to do that. I'm going to research religious discharges from the Army. I'm still confused though, as to God's clear will for me.
Ok, new subject. God is really working in me. I find myself judging people less and less, and I am really working on my humility. I want to achieve pridelessness. I am finding things in me I never thought I could have. It's wonderful. Today has been good. Thank you, Father. Good night.
Me before : / Me now :) [those were smiley faces I drew]
p.s. I'm finding myself being transformed. It's so much easier to be nice now."
Even then, I felt God pulling me toward the path I would eventually take, even if it didn't pan out like I thought it would. I remember feeling so energized by the whole experience, that I thought I needed to give up everything right then and there and go full out for God. He knew though, that if I did it then, I would have burnt out. I wasn't ready. More about my thoughts on the Army next time...
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Visit to the Diary - Part 3
"January 9, 2008
Today we watched a video of Dean Sherman talking on attraction and romantic attraction. He said there are two traps the devil puts us in on the topic of love. He tells us that "we must be in love" and that "we don't control when we fall in love with someone and out of love." He [the devil] also tells us that there is only one person we can truly fall in love with. NOT TRUE."
Today we watched a video of Dean Sherman talking on attraction and romantic attraction. He said there are two traps the devil puts us in on the topic of love. He tells us that "we must be in love" and that "we don't control when we fall in love with someone and out of love." He [the devil] also tells us that there is only one person we can truly fall in love with. NOT TRUE."
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Visit to the Diary - Part 2
*Things in [brackets] aren't really in the entry, they're just to give understanding.
"January 8, 2003,
When I look around at this place while worshipping, I see people shouting out to the Lord. Every time, I think to myself, "I WANT THAT FIRE!!" I want to be open. I also read constantly about how people's faith brings them the Lord's riches. I found this verse:
MATTHEW 9:20-22: ...a woman who had been subject to bleeding for 12 years came up behind (Jesus) and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, "If only I touch his cloak, I will be healed." Jesus turned and saw her... he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.
Powerful stuff. I wish I had that kind of faith. Child-like faith indeed. I am getting there though. As I learn to hear God's voice, I listen for His call for me. I cannot wait for the moment I know what He wants for me. Hopefully, my faith is strong enough to drop it all and pursue God's plan."
God had been preparing me for this life. It's really neat to be able to see it unfold in retrospect.
"January 8, 2003,
When I look around at this place while worshipping, I see people shouting out to the Lord. Every time, I think to myself, "I WANT THAT FIRE!!" I want to be open. I also read constantly about how people's faith brings them the Lord's riches. I found this verse:
MATTHEW 9:20-22: ...a woman who had been subject to bleeding for 12 years came up behind (Jesus) and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, "If only I touch his cloak, I will be healed." Jesus turned and saw her... he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.
Powerful stuff. I wish I had that kind of faith. Child-like faith indeed. I am getting there though. As I learn to hear God's voice, I listen for His call for me. I cannot wait for the moment I know what He wants for me. Hopefully, my faith is strong enough to drop it all and pursue God's plan."
God had been preparing me for this life. It's really neat to be able to see it unfold in retrospect.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Visit to the Diary - Part 1
*Just so you know, the stuff in [brackets] isn't something I actually wrote, it's just to help things make sense for you.
"January 7, 2003
During our 3 hour independent quiet time with God, I climbed the cliffs [behind the campus] and just took in God's splendor and beauty. It's amazing that He created all that there is. Every little nook and cranny, every drop of water, every blade of grass. I went in for a drink after exploring and saw a verse written on a paper by the kitchen:
LUKE 16:10-12: Whoever can be trusted with very little can be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches*? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?------------------------------------------------
*true riches meaning riches in heaven.
To me, this means if I can't be responsible with things like praying every night, how can I expect to disciple to others? Coach always said, "What you do in practice is what you will do in the game." How true that is...
Learn to be responsible and trustworthy in every aspect of life. Apply this daily."
"January 7, 2003
During our 3 hour independent quiet time with God, I climbed the cliffs [behind the campus] and just took in God's splendor and beauty. It's amazing that He created all that there is. Every little nook and cranny, every drop of water, every blade of grass. I went in for a drink after exploring and saw a verse written on a paper by the kitchen:
LUKE 16:10-12: Whoever can be trusted with very little can be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches*? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?------------------------------------------------
*true riches meaning riches in heaven.
To me, this means if I can't be responsible with things like praying every night, how can I expect to disciple to others? Coach always said, "What you do in practice is what you will do in the game." How true that is...
Learn to be responsible and trustworthy in every aspect of life. Apply this daily."
Visit to the Diary - Intro
The other day, I was in my parents' attic looking through some boxes for my books that have been in storage while we were in Korea. When I found them, I also found a journal that I had been keeping 7 years ago while I was in a Discipleship Training School with YWAM Nashville. It was my first missions experience, and really my first experience of taking ownership of my faith.
I really hate journaling. It's probably why our blog only gets updated every so often (that will change when we get to the PI!) It's also the reason that the journal I kept in YWAM only had 8 entries, and all of them were in the first month of the school.
Well, as intimate and personal as they are, I've decided to share them with you. Not because they're great or funny but because I believe that God will be glorified through it. I think it's great to be able to look back and see the seeds of God's calling on my life from that early stage. I hope you enjoy them. :)
I really hate journaling. It's probably why our blog only gets updated every so often (that will change when we get to the PI!) It's also the reason that the journal I kept in YWAM only had 8 entries, and all of them were in the first month of the school.
Well, as intimate and personal as they are, I've decided to share them with you. Not because they're great or funny but because I believe that God will be glorified through it. I think it's great to be able to look back and see the seeds of God's calling on my life from that early stage. I hope you enjoy them. :)
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